Benefit from My Conscientiousness

Baby recommendations, courtesy of my one good personality trait

Photo by Bonnie Kittle on Unsplash

My book about personality change is now available for preorder! Get ME, BUT BETTER wherever books are sold!

To be a good parent, it helps to be conscientious—orderly, organized, diligent, and ambitious. And this was the one aspect of parenthood that never worried me, because frankly, I’m about as conscientious as they come.

On the very first personality test I ever took, for the article that started it all, I scored “very high” on conscientiousness, and my score has never wavered. (I’ve also never tried to increase or decrease on conscientiousness.)

This trait of mine has been a huge advantage when it comes to parenting, particularly parenting a baby, because a lot of the time having a baby is like doing a complex and demanding science project.

I’m not sure if everyone realizes this, but they don’t tell you at the hospital how much your baby is supposed to eat or sleep, or what to do when it cries or its poop is the wrong color. They don’t tell you how the diaper sizes work or, honestly, even how to change a diaper. How are you supposed to figure that stuff out? Research! And who is good at research? Conscientious people!

Since the baby was born, I have spent between two and five hours of every day researching baby-related stuff. I’ve researched what you’re supposed to feed him, and when. I’ve researched how to increase my breast milk supply. I’ve researched what’s good for his safety and development, and the best kinds of strollers and toys and ointments to order off Amazon. (Ordering stuff of Amazon is what you, as a new parent, do with the few remaining hours that are not devoted to research.)

A lot of the time, I’ve noticed that I’m tired not because I didn’t sleep enough (though I rarely sleep enough), but because I’ve been looking shit up all day. “What to do about baby cough”; “how to install convertible car seat”; “when should baby have avocado” and so forth, times infinity, times the amount of the things that can and do go wrong with your baby. Sometimes I give in to the pleasure of reading part of a New Yorker article instead of reading some Wikipedia page about whooping cough, and this feels like a Caribbean cruise at this point.

I’m honestly not sure how people had kids before Google and WebMD and all that. I assume they relied on ancestral knowledge handed down from their older relatives. Except that one thing they do tell you in the hospital is that all of that ancestral knowledge—using blankets, sleeping on tummies, etc—is forbidden now because it was linked to countless deaths, and now you get to tell all your older relatives how wrong they are while bleeding from several new gaping holes in your body.

But I digress!

I, a conscientious person, will now tell you the baby crap that is worth buying (or procuring from Facebook Marketplace), as well as the baby crap that is worth skipping. Benefit from my conscientiousness and save yourself hours of research!

BUY:

The Snoo. Look, I know it’s controversial, but do you want your baby to sleep or don’t you?

Kick and Play Piano. This thing is like crack to them, not sure why. My dude can spend hours kicking and playing.

Similac Ready-to-Drink formula. The 8-ounce bottles are handy for when you’re on the go and you don’t have water with you. It’s expensive but you’ll be spending so much money anyway, you’ll hardly notice. (They also make a “sensitive” version which does go down smoother but which my baby doesn’t like as much so we don’t buy it.)

A super squishy pillow. A friend got me a squishy pillow shaped like an avocado and I use it for breastfeeding 100% more often than the three breastfeeding pillows that I also have.

Bassinet stroller. The bassinet attachments for the nice, expensive strollers like Uppababy and Baby Jogger are all really expensive. So we just bought an entire stroller with a bassinet for about $130 .

Overnight diapers. We just found out these exist after several nights of 3 a.m. changes after the baby had an accident. Helps them sleep through the night so you can, too.

SKIP:

Dr. Brown’s bottles. I’m convinced Dr. Brown has been sent from an enemy planet to reduce the human fertility rate through frustration. These bottles are awful; they leak even with the lid on; the parts are impossible to clean. They are supposedly anti-colic and anti-reflux but my baby had horrible colic and reflux the entire time he used these.

Dr. Brown’s bottle warmer. We only used this once and it gave us steam burns. Again, avoid Dr. Brown at all costs.

Baby Brezza Bottle Washer. We bought this specifically to wash all the tiny, nook-filled Dr. Brown’s bottle pieces. It broke midway through the wash cycle at least half the times we tried to use it. The happiest day of our lives was when our kid was born, but the second happiest was when we tossed this and the Dr. Brown’s bottles in the trash.

Baby food blender. I have used this once. The baby hated what I made for him, so I gave him one of those pouch things the kids are always slurping on and he loved it.

Swaddles. If you use the Snoo (which again, I recommend if you like to sleep occasionally), you don’t need any non-Snoo swaddles. This was confusing to me for a long time because the only thing they do teach you at the hospital is how to swaddle. You don’t need to swaddle. You just need the Snoo.

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In all seriousness, though: Writing my book required a lot of introspection and, frankly, self-criticism. Because I was actively trying to change my personality, much of the time I was dwelling on what was wrong with me. I wasn’t relaxed enough, but a hundred-hour meditation class would only nudge me sliiiighly closer to “average.”

So I appreciate conscientiousness because it was something that was right with me. Especially before I had a kid and became brain damaged with sleep deprivation, my ability to meet deadlines, get places on time, and confirm details was just never something that worried me. It was like an invisible breeze that constantly pushed me toward my goals. Conscientiousness made me feel prepared for parenthood, something you can never really prepare for. It made me realize our personalities can be like superpowers. They can help you achieve things you didn’t think were possible.