I'm late to this interview, but I just want to say "Wow!" Interesting, enlightening and yes, even entertaining. Now I want to get your book, ME, BUT BETTER and Paige Harden's Original Sin... Thanks for this fascinating interview.
This was a great interview. For me, the most fascinating thing about this discussion was the very last question about whether or not we can inherit religious beliefs from our parents. Man, I wish I could go back in time and research that one...Thank you for an illuminating discussion. I will definitely take a look at Paige's book
Hard Choices Easy Life, Easy Choices Hard Life sums a lot about what goes for everyone's life. I myself am self aware that the life I am living is on total automation, there is no autonomous decision making I hold for myself as I didn't move outside my parent's house, which leads to they generally have a say in everything which is kind of default for their generation. A ruckus get created everyday for small bit of things which impacts everybody's day both in personal and professional which leads to a lot of stress and anxiety leading to poor focus & effort allocation throughout the whole day leading to mediocre efforts which will lead to mediocre or no result in the future.
I have been living this way for the last 5 years.
I have said to myself that I need to move out from here, it will good for my personal growth, professionally as well and good for my family's overall health as well. I don't want to be dictated by my family in my 30's, when will I develop the skill of decision making the. I see almost 99% of people are living superficial lives even with their partners, they are not blunt about they want to from their individual lives, don't speak from who they are or be who they want to be. Decisions are being made everywhere in some kind of peer pressure, even when I see they say we love each other a lot but then when I see their decisions- the pressure gets seen mounted by one partner on the other even though it is no intentional but unintentional creates a havoc as well. We are not living, our bodies are alive with a ball of anxious feelings just kept to our selves.
Till date I haven't been around a single human who has developed the skill of Extreme Ownership meaning they take onus of everything in their lives meaning EVERYTHING. I am surrounded by people blaming other people, government, their extended family for some or the other thing. And I see myself being turned into that over the last 28 years I have been alive but from the last couple of months I have changed every bit of narration that goes in my mind where I say to my parents that because of you people I had to pursue law and now I am doomed.
But now I have flipped the script, I take ownership & accountability of almost everything. I say to myself because I need to develop this skill to improve my life right now and for the upcoming times as well. Blaming others won't ever help me, in every situation if we think deeply we could have done better in that circumstance if we had the decision making skill. I don't see around me people with rational decision making skills as well.
Self fulfilling stories about our past feels quite good in our cognition but what about the reality? Is it what really happened to us or we have made the changes about it to just feel good which can be some sort of slow in the long haul and then we will think it was not the reality but the it was just my own thinking that distorted reality and was behind the veil of n number of biases. It will feel like a jolt in near future. We are buried under the layers of biases. Every day is a work of deep dive to what my cognition is doing.
I could surrender right now and say to myself that fuck everything and join full time my father's business. But I am revolting against my life because I know it as easy decision to join the business but only for the present. If I look it from ten thousand foot view, I know this is not what I want & it is some sort of slow death for me. Fuck what people want and even my family- I have to stand up for myself and take decisions that I want to and not what other people expect of me.
In India there is in general a lot of pressure for both men & women to marry before 30. Both sides of the family is under immense pressure about the unsaid expectations, giving hefty amount of gold and other n number of materialistic things. And the same people wouldn't let her pursue what she wants, what she wants to wear or other n number of things. What about her freedom They believe in giving lakhs of gold but not supporting her in life the way she wants. This is how hypocrisy gets shows in the society. It gets shown in my family as well. Both me & my sister are not married but I have seen the pressure my younger sister feels about a lot of things which only females have to face. My father doesn't want bad for both of us but that doesn't mean they can impose things especially on her. I have told my sister do whatever you want to, even if I have to take hefty verbal fight with them- I am there for you, no point in living other people's life and then regret down the line.
Experiencing things tops the list and not vice versa. Also unconditional love & support to the ones who we have at the priority list in our lives.
You say you love them and live in a 10 crore rupees house but when they need a couple of lakhs which might not ever be returned back to you. Is it really love or what it is when a person needs help and you are not able to do it do it unconditionally.
People would buy expensive cars or pretty okay with spending hefty on cars or smart phones or any other thing but then see what kind of diet they eat, they will be like this is expensive- I am like you spend 100x of this on cars and other things but when the point comes to taking care of your body you are like this is expensive. Then I have to realize that more than 90% people are living life on automation & if not on automation they aren't aware of biases or how psychology works. I am big proponent of living with freedom. Not buying expensive things until & unless I have a huge bank account. I find there is no point in getting hooked to things be it any materialistic thing. Experiences are what matters most and especially with the people whom you love the most. Spend money with them experiencing things and not vice versa that you buy a expensive car and now for next couple of years can't spend much because hefty amount has been spent.This circle keeps on going with multiple things at a time and they are just hooked or you can say physically, financially, emotionally, cognitively cuffed. For me independence matters the most.
Everything is neutral – until we assign meaning to it. One thing might feel right to you but might feel wrong to me and can be the vice versa and this goes on with every of 8 billion people alive. The circle goes on like this. We as humans are dynamic and not static, meaning everything is changing on daily basis.
But the point is one needs to be in learning phase till his death, just keep reading to churn your thoughts on daily basis. Why I think the way I think? Where are all these thoughts coming from? All the daily actions incorporated are a by product of my conditioning which has turned into some sort of automation which is impeding my growth in different facets of life but can't be seen if I ain't being self aware.
Overall view of anything as in general we just try to view it in 1D. We want to have latest gadgets with latest tech but we are not ready to upgrade what is going in our minds on daily basis. First principles thinking is also quite scarce in society. We all wear powered glasses with different numbers but when it comes to view points, every body settles for the status quo. That's why I tell environment is a big factor in shaping us who we are. Moreover nurture plays a lot bigger role than nature even though it is a mixed bag contribution of both.
There is one thing told that work harder than everybody else in the room but one doesn't tell it all boils down to mental component a lot as well, what kind of internal monologue goes b/w our ears is a great predictor of either limits or propels our progression, the amount of improvement we can do in any domain/walk of life.
Franz Stampfl, coach of Roger Bannister said-The great barrier is the mental hurdle.
We should stop labeling things this as-GOOD, BAD or what so ever. It narrows our aperture to look. It is all about stop applying our thoughts, beliefs to every set of experiences/circumstances we go through. What doesn't fit in our cognitive aperture, we need to then view it from 10000 foot view and not with blinders on or microscopic lens.
I keep telling to my parents when they ask why the heck are you like this not being able to fit into this society? How come you don't overlap with the things even your friend circle does? I just say- I have a different playbook in my cognition that I am living with.
You can't play basketball with holding the rule book of volleyball in your cognition even though both are ball games.
No one size fits all. There is no holy grail method or you can say there is no perfect human, no perfect business plan, no perfect education system, no perfect country or state, no perfect parenting principles. One needs to do research in any walk of life as we can't we keep doing copy paste in our own lives by seeing what works for other people.
We as humans don't want to work on own frame work & we don't want to apply our own set of thinking. People don't want to invert meaning they don't want to look inside their own selves to look for pitfalls. First principles thinking is in quite scarcity now a days.
That's why French author Anaïs Nin said "We don't see things as they are, we see things as we are".
All of which one individual views is directly proportional to what their conditioning has been over the years. One's environment is either an upstream or downstream for anything going in their lives. We underestimate how much of our environment plays role in shaping us day to day basis.
When there is a lot of status quo in the thinking, how one will have the ability to think outside the designed box of cognition which has been for decades. The muscle of that set belief system has almost become some sort of concrete which is quite difficult to change unless they have growth mindset approach.
I have been reading a lot of everything for the last 4-5 years majorly focusing on psychology in every field of life. I still don't believe in nature much meaning yeah genes science is real but everything can be molded. No personality type in one's life is concrete, we can totally do a 360 and change it. But one must have the psychological flexibility to firstly understand this and then only one can do the necessary work to change it. I have told myself I am not getting hooked to any belief system, thought, opinion or any sort of thing in any walk of life.
F. Scott Fitzgerald said "The test of a first-rate intelligence is the ability to hold two opposed ideas in the mind at the same time and still retain the ability to function". No point in getting hooked to any belief system/thoughts/opinion or anything. I am totally working on right now on- Strong Opinions Loosely Held.
And you just might have another genetic variant that helps you handle a “negative” trait. Although I was never diagnosed I’ve come to believe that I am ADD (luckily not the “H”) (which is why I’m reading and commenting even though I have other work to do).
So my public schooling was before diagnoses like ADD were a “thing”. How did I handle that in school? I think that I have a very good memory so I my attention could wander from a task to something else, but then refocus and pick up where I left off because I could remember the details of where I was. So one trait covers another that is a a deficit.
I'm late to this interview, but I just want to say "Wow!" Interesting, enlightening and yes, even entertaining. Now I want to get your book, ME, BUT BETTER and Paige Harden's Original Sin... Thanks for this fascinating interview.
This was a great interview. For me, the most fascinating thing about this discussion was the very last question about whether or not we can inherit religious beliefs from our parents. Man, I wish I could go back in time and research that one...Thank you for an illuminating discussion. I will definitely take a look at Paige's book
Hard Choices Easy Life, Easy Choices Hard Life sums a lot about what goes for everyone's life. I myself am self aware that the life I am living is on total automation, there is no autonomous decision making I hold for myself as I didn't move outside my parent's house, which leads to they generally have a say in everything which is kind of default for their generation. A ruckus get created everyday for small bit of things which impacts everybody's day both in personal and professional which leads to a lot of stress and anxiety leading to poor focus & effort allocation throughout the whole day leading to mediocre efforts which will lead to mediocre or no result in the future.
I have been living this way for the last 5 years.
I have said to myself that I need to move out from here, it will good for my personal growth, professionally as well and good for my family's overall health as well. I don't want to be dictated by my family in my 30's, when will I develop the skill of decision making the. I see almost 99% of people are living superficial lives even with their partners, they are not blunt about they want to from their individual lives, don't speak from who they are or be who they want to be. Decisions are being made everywhere in some kind of peer pressure, even when I see they say we love each other a lot but then when I see their decisions- the pressure gets seen mounted by one partner on the other even though it is no intentional but unintentional creates a havoc as well. We are not living, our bodies are alive with a ball of anxious feelings just kept to our selves.
Till date I haven't been around a single human who has developed the skill of Extreme Ownership meaning they take onus of everything in their lives meaning EVERYTHING. I am surrounded by people blaming other people, government, their extended family for some or the other thing. And I see myself being turned into that over the last 28 years I have been alive but from the last couple of months I have changed every bit of narration that goes in my mind where I say to my parents that because of you people I had to pursue law and now I am doomed.
But now I have flipped the script, I take ownership & accountability of almost everything. I say to myself because I need to develop this skill to improve my life right now and for the upcoming times as well. Blaming others won't ever help me, in every situation if we think deeply we could have done better in that circumstance if we had the decision making skill. I don't see around me people with rational decision making skills as well.
Self fulfilling stories about our past feels quite good in our cognition but what about the reality? Is it what really happened to us or we have made the changes about it to just feel good which can be some sort of slow in the long haul and then we will think it was not the reality but the it was just my own thinking that distorted reality and was behind the veil of n number of biases. It will feel like a jolt in near future. We are buried under the layers of biases. Every day is a work of deep dive to what my cognition is doing.
I could surrender right now and say to myself that fuck everything and join full time my father's business. But I am revolting against my life because I know it as easy decision to join the business but only for the present. If I look it from ten thousand foot view, I know this is not what I want & it is some sort of slow death for me. Fuck what people want and even my family- I have to stand up for myself and take decisions that I want to and not what other people expect of me.
In India there is in general a lot of pressure for both men & women to marry before 30. Both sides of the family is under immense pressure about the unsaid expectations, giving hefty amount of gold and other n number of materialistic things. And the same people wouldn't let her pursue what she wants, what she wants to wear or other n number of things. What about her freedom They believe in giving lakhs of gold but not supporting her in life the way she wants. This is how hypocrisy gets shows in the society. It gets shown in my family as well. Both me & my sister are not married but I have seen the pressure my younger sister feels about a lot of things which only females have to face. My father doesn't want bad for both of us but that doesn't mean they can impose things especially on her. I have told my sister do whatever you want to, even if I have to take hefty verbal fight with them- I am there for you, no point in living other people's life and then regret down the line.
Experiencing things tops the list and not vice versa. Also unconditional love & support to the ones who we have at the priority list in our lives.
You say you love them and live in a 10 crore rupees house but when they need a couple of lakhs which might not ever be returned back to you. Is it really love or what it is when a person needs help and you are not able to do it do it unconditionally.
People would buy expensive cars or pretty okay with spending hefty on cars or smart phones or any other thing but then see what kind of diet they eat, they will be like this is expensive- I am like you spend 100x of this on cars and other things but when the point comes to taking care of your body you are like this is expensive. Then I have to realize that more than 90% people are living life on automation & if not on automation they aren't aware of biases or how psychology works. I am big proponent of living with freedom. Not buying expensive things until & unless I have a huge bank account. I find there is no point in getting hooked to things be it any materialistic thing. Experiences are what matters most and especially with the people whom you love the most. Spend money with them experiencing things and not vice versa that you buy a expensive car and now for next couple of years can't spend much because hefty amount has been spent.This circle keeps on going with multiple things at a time and they are just hooked or you can say physically, financially, emotionally, cognitively cuffed. For me independence matters the most.
Everything is neutral – until we assign meaning to it. One thing might feel right to you but might feel wrong to me and can be the vice versa and this goes on with every of 8 billion people alive. The circle goes on like this. We as humans are dynamic and not static, meaning everything is changing on daily basis.
But the point is one needs to be in learning phase till his death, just keep reading to churn your thoughts on daily basis. Why I think the way I think? Where are all these thoughts coming from? All the daily actions incorporated are a by product of my conditioning which has turned into some sort of automation which is impeding my growth in different facets of life but can't be seen if I ain't being self aware.
Overall view of anything as in general we just try to view it in 1D. We want to have latest gadgets with latest tech but we are not ready to upgrade what is going in our minds on daily basis. First principles thinking is also quite scarce in society. We all wear powered glasses with different numbers but when it comes to view points, every body settles for the status quo. That's why I tell environment is a big factor in shaping us who we are. Moreover nurture plays a lot bigger role than nature even though it is a mixed bag contribution of both.
There is one thing told that work harder than everybody else in the room but one doesn't tell it all boils down to mental component a lot as well, what kind of internal monologue goes b/w our ears is a great predictor of either limits or propels our progression, the amount of improvement we can do in any domain/walk of life.
Franz Stampfl, coach of Roger Bannister said-The great barrier is the mental hurdle.
We should stop labeling things this as-GOOD, BAD or what so ever. It narrows our aperture to look. It is all about stop applying our thoughts, beliefs to every set of experiences/circumstances we go through. What doesn't fit in our cognitive aperture, we need to then view it from 10000 foot view and not with blinders on or microscopic lens.
I keep telling to my parents when they ask why the heck are you like this not being able to fit into this society? How come you don't overlap with the things even your friend circle does? I just say- I have a different playbook in my cognition that I am living with.
You can't play basketball with holding the rule book of volleyball in your cognition even though both are ball games.
No one size fits all. There is no holy grail method or you can say there is no perfect human, no perfect business plan, no perfect education system, no perfect country or state, no perfect parenting principles. One needs to do research in any walk of life as we can't we keep doing copy paste in our own lives by seeing what works for other people.
We as humans don't want to work on own frame work & we don't want to apply our own set of thinking. People don't want to invert meaning they don't want to look inside their own selves to look for pitfalls. First principles thinking is in quite scarcity now a days.
That's why French author Anaïs Nin said "We don't see things as they are, we see things as we are".
All of which one individual views is directly proportional to what their conditioning has been over the years. One's environment is either an upstream or downstream for anything going in their lives. We underestimate how much of our environment plays role in shaping us day to day basis.
When there is a lot of status quo in the thinking, how one will have the ability to think outside the designed box of cognition which has been for decades. The muscle of that set belief system has almost become some sort of concrete which is quite difficult to change unless they have growth mindset approach.
I have been reading a lot of everything for the last 4-5 years majorly focusing on psychology in every field of life. I still don't believe in nature much meaning yeah genes science is real but everything can be molded. No personality type in one's life is concrete, we can totally do a 360 and change it. But one must have the psychological flexibility to firstly understand this and then only one can do the necessary work to change it. I have told myself I am not getting hooked to any belief system, thought, opinion or any sort of thing in any walk of life.
F. Scott Fitzgerald said "The test of a first-rate intelligence is the ability to hold two opposed ideas in the mind at the same time and still retain the ability to function". No point in getting hooked to any belief system/thoughts/opinion or anything. I am totally working on right now on- Strong Opinions Loosely Held.
And you just might have another genetic variant that helps you handle a “negative” trait. Although I was never diagnosed I’ve come to believe that I am ADD (luckily not the “H”) (which is why I’m reading and commenting even though I have other work to do).
So my public schooling was before diagnoses like ADD were a “thing”. How did I handle that in school? I think that I have a very good memory so I my attention could wander from a task to something else, but then refocus and pick up where I left off because I could remember the details of where I was. So one trait covers another that is a a deficit.