Being totally present when being around your loved ones is one of the greatest form of gesture. But being totally present should not be the goal, rather a byproduct of being totally immersed in with the people and about peaks & valleys about each other's lives and showing gratitude to each other. It should be somewhat default to be around with them with total presence on all facets- be it physically, mentally and emotionally. Then only the other person can feel connected and convey things to you.
We as humans are 24*7 on air. We need to be totally present & not keep going on total automation. As Ellen Langer lays emphasizes on the importance & significance of Mindfulness over the last 4-5 decades. I have read Lisa Feldman Barret's book and listened to her on a lot of podcasts as well getting insights about how our emotions are formed and how it gets shown in the present and future because of the past experiences.
Any kind of relationship requires work on daily basis, it is the same as flossing your teeth.
Reciprocity has to be kept at the forefront from both sides and being able to convey each other what they really feel on daily basis about their relationship as a couple and what changes both feel need to be made in order to have that sustainable growth both over the short and the long term.
I totally understand the importance of how Psychological safety plays a huge role in how much one can achieve & thrive in any kind of relationship. Psychological safety is an under rated trait because if one as human being is always against the head wind, then the one with tail wind will win as our immediate environment plays much more impact than we think. Most Generous Interpretation(MGI) can be used every time when one feels a conflict is about to happen. More so it can be used in every circumstance/situation to lighten the chains of anger/resentment in the moment and let the tension get released from both ends. We should remember that we are a team and we need to get back to the best of our functioning abilities in a quick time and not lengthen the fight/conflict.
But the point is I feel like most of the people aren't self aware. they don't know about cognitive biases, they don't know about how emotions are formed and then how to emotionally regulate as well.
Most of the people's pyramid's foundation is flawed which is layered under the biases and they see the distorted reality for which they are not able to see the pitfalls in their own thinking and which has been conditioned because of the immediate environment & what they consume in terms of content on all levels. I am yet to see a single people around me who is well aware of their emotions, biases and have Extreme Ownership trait apply in their own lives. Because of their cognition they view other people's lives as reality but it is a lot of distorted reality and there are living in somewhat not reality.
As Anaïs Nin said- We don't see things as they are, we see things as we are.
To being intimate with someone who is flawed requires relentless work for years both on personal level and on relationship level. A person trying to make the relationship work on flawed systems won't work even though they might think they have been putting on the work for 10 years to make it get better. Flawed systems repeated over & over doesn't mean work put that will give improved results in any domain, it is sheer garbage work put and one can't expect to things get better on any level.
In my day to day life as well outside running, I am somewhat brutally blunt & I preach radical honesty.
A lot of the times people get fazed by that he has no mask put on, he is not pretending and there is no fluff but then a lot of the times people love it I am not just being like tip of the iceberg while talking to them. I can't do small talk even for a minute with anyone, so I have kept my circle small. There is no time for small talks for hours on end, it is sheer time waste. Do what you want to pursue, create frameworks & systems for it and go all in to achieve it and then think what else can be done. The way endurance sports peels out every bit of layer from a human being is quite great and the bonds shared doesn't mean it is just because of they are pursuing these different endurance sports. It is all behind the doing of all this- they share aligned values. They know what it means to go sleep on time to wake up early to put in the required work. They know what it means to take care of our physical, mental & emotional health and the importance of it to peak perform in any walk of life. They know what it means to have self control to just have a clean diet for months on end. It has become a part of system now, it is no more for a couple of days or weeks. It is a life long pursuit and lifelong practice. They know when going through the trenches of pain how a human is left bare naked physically, mentally & emotionally. It is just a that the pursuit of endurance sports is a byproduct of their tiny habits & value they practice on daily basis.
They don't want to live life on some sort of automation as they want to steer the ship on their own terms. They know complacency kills. They know the importance of SHOWING UP and the significance of CONSISTENCY as CONSISTENCY IS THE NAME OF THE GAME.
Being totally present when being around your loved ones is one of the greatest form of gesture. But being totally present should not be the goal, rather a byproduct of being totally immersed in with the people and about peaks & valleys about each other's lives and showing gratitude to each other. It should be somewhat default to be around with them with total presence on all facets- be it physically, mentally and emotionally. Then only the other person can feel connected and convey things to you.
We as humans are 24*7 on air. We need to be totally present & not keep going on total automation. As Ellen Langer lays emphasizes on the importance & significance of Mindfulness over the last 4-5 decades. I have read Lisa Feldman Barret's book and listened to her on a lot of podcasts as well getting insights about how our emotions are formed and how it gets shown in the present and future because of the past experiences.
Any kind of relationship requires work on daily basis, it is the same as flossing your teeth.
Reciprocity has to be kept at the forefront from both sides and being able to convey each other what they really feel on daily basis about their relationship as a couple and what changes both feel need to be made in order to have that sustainable growth both over the short and the long term.
I totally understand the importance of how Psychological safety plays a huge role in how much one can achieve & thrive in any kind of relationship. Psychological safety is an under rated trait because if one as human being is always against the head wind, then the one with tail wind will win as our immediate environment plays much more impact than we think. Most Generous Interpretation(MGI) can be used every time when one feels a conflict is about to happen. More so it can be used in every circumstance/situation to lighten the chains of anger/resentment in the moment and let the tension get released from both ends. We should remember that we are a team and we need to get back to the best of our functioning abilities in a quick time and not lengthen the fight/conflict.
But the point is I feel like most of the people aren't self aware. they don't know about cognitive biases, they don't know about how emotions are formed and then how to emotionally regulate as well.
Most of the people's pyramid's foundation is flawed which is layered under the biases and they see the distorted reality for which they are not able to see the pitfalls in their own thinking and which has been conditioned because of the immediate environment & what they consume in terms of content on all levels. I am yet to see a single people around me who is well aware of their emotions, biases and have Extreme Ownership trait apply in their own lives. Because of their cognition they view other people's lives as reality but it is a lot of distorted reality and there are living in somewhat not reality.
As Anaïs Nin said- We don't see things as they are, we see things as we are.
To being intimate with someone who is flawed requires relentless work for years both on personal level and on relationship level. A person trying to make the relationship work on flawed systems won't work even though they might think they have been putting on the work for 10 years to make it get better. Flawed systems repeated over & over doesn't mean work put that will give improved results in any domain, it is sheer garbage work put and one can't expect to things get better on any level.
In my day to day life as well outside running, I am somewhat brutally blunt & I preach radical honesty.
A lot of the times people get fazed by that he has no mask put on, he is not pretending and there is no fluff but then a lot of the times people love it I am not just being like tip of the iceberg while talking to them. I can't do small talk even for a minute with anyone, so I have kept my circle small. There is no time for small talks for hours on end, it is sheer time waste. Do what you want to pursue, create frameworks & systems for it and go all in to achieve it and then think what else can be done. The way endurance sports peels out every bit of layer from a human being is quite great and the bonds shared doesn't mean it is just because of they are pursuing these different endurance sports. It is all behind the doing of all this- they share aligned values. They know what it means to go sleep on time to wake up early to put in the required work. They know what it means to take care of our physical, mental & emotional health and the importance of it to peak perform in any walk of life. They know what it means to have self control to just have a clean diet for months on end. It has become a part of system now, it is no more for a couple of days or weeks. It is a life long pursuit and lifelong practice. They know when going through the trenches of pain how a human is left bare naked physically, mentally & emotionally. It is just a that the pursuit of endurance sports is a byproduct of their tiny habits & value they practice on daily basis.
They don't want to live life on some sort of automation as they want to steer the ship on their own terms. They know complacency kills. They know the importance of SHOWING UP and the significance of CONSISTENCY as CONSISTENCY IS THE NAME OF THE GAME.
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