I discovered your long adapted essay in "The Atlantic" via a rabbit-hole of research that had nothing to do with anxiety or babies.... and boy, am I glad I did. It's like all of the thoughts and fears that I have ever experienced about the idea of ever becoming pregnant and a parent someday (but couldn't formulate the words to explain out loud) were suddenly written in front of me on the screen. Did AI hack my brain? Thankfully, not that I'm aware of. Every word of your pre-pregancy description of yourself is a mirror of who I view myself to be.
I needed to read that essay. And I needed to follow it up by reading this one. I may or may not be crying right now due to the realization that my experience is shared.... I'm not broken, and I'm not alone. Goodness gracious, thank you
This has been my experience these last few months of being a new mom. It’s more wonderful than I could imagine or describe, and some things are even worse than I feared, especially the torturous lack of sleep.
I remember before I had a baby I was always terrified of it - terrified of being pregnant, of going through labor, of losing sleep - all the standard things. But then I would remind myself of the fact that the one thing missing from all that worry was the presence of this brand new PERSON. You can imagine what it's like to be in pain, to be sleep-deprived, to be overworked and stressed, but you can't imagine what it's like to have a brand new person in your life that never existed before. I would sort of forget about that positive part. And I agree that all of those things came true but actually managing it was so much easier than I'd expected, and almost the minute you're out of a phase, you forget that it happened - all the exhaustion feels so far away and fuzzy now. Sometimes catastrophizing has its upsides.
I agree that the bifurcation of time as a parent is the weirdest thing. You simply don’t have enough time to do ALL the non-parent things and parent things. But, done well, you spend each time in a way reflective of your values and will surprise yourself with your creativity. You only have 2 hours to belt out the next essay? It turns out to be your best piece of the year, because you’re not wasting time like these just-out-of-school newbies. Dinner is needed soon and you only have four ingredients, one of them salt? It’s fine, and the fact that you can spend a smidge of time with your partner and kid makes it surprisingly satisfying.
I (kindly) challenge that, as a parent, you actually become more efficient because you output more and higher quality per given time. The output is whatever: words, clean socks, hugs, moments that matter. Plus(!), as a writer you gain something else—perspective. And even though experiencing cocaine-fueled regrettable nights might make for writing that is engaging, being a parent makes for writing that is relatable to the audience, especially when writer and reader connect over wisdom that, frankly, only parenting can glean.
Love this! Honestly, I feel the same way about parenthood.....
Evolution wins again.
We should teach high school students how to manage anxiety.
I discovered your long adapted essay in "The Atlantic" via a rabbit-hole of research that had nothing to do with anxiety or babies.... and boy, am I glad I did. It's like all of the thoughts and fears that I have ever experienced about the idea of ever becoming pregnant and a parent someday (but couldn't formulate the words to explain out loud) were suddenly written in front of me on the screen. Did AI hack my brain? Thankfully, not that I'm aware of. Every word of your pre-pregancy description of yourself is a mirror of who I view myself to be.
I needed to read that essay. And I needed to follow it up by reading this one. I may or may not be crying right now due to the realization that my experience is shared.... I'm not broken, and I'm not alone. Goodness gracious, thank you
This has been my experience these last few months of being a new mom. It’s more wonderful than I could imagine or describe, and some things are even worse than I feared, especially the torturous lack of sleep.
I remember before I had a baby I was always terrified of it - terrified of being pregnant, of going through labor, of losing sleep - all the standard things. But then I would remind myself of the fact that the one thing missing from all that worry was the presence of this brand new PERSON. You can imagine what it's like to be in pain, to be sleep-deprived, to be overworked and stressed, but you can't imagine what it's like to have a brand new person in your life that never existed before. I would sort of forget about that positive part. And I agree that all of those things came true but actually managing it was so much easier than I'd expected, and almost the minute you're out of a phase, you forget that it happened - all the exhaustion feels so far away and fuzzy now. Sometimes catastrophizing has its upsides.
I agree that the bifurcation of time as a parent is the weirdest thing. You simply don’t have enough time to do ALL the non-parent things and parent things. But, done well, you spend each time in a way reflective of your values and will surprise yourself with your creativity. You only have 2 hours to belt out the next essay? It turns out to be your best piece of the year, because you’re not wasting time like these just-out-of-school newbies. Dinner is needed soon and you only have four ingredients, one of them salt? It’s fine, and the fact that you can spend a smidge of time with your partner and kid makes it surprisingly satisfying.
I (kindly) challenge that, as a parent, you actually become more efficient because you output more and higher quality per given time. The output is whatever: words, clean socks, hugs, moments that matter. Plus(!), as a writer you gain something else—perspective. And even though experiencing cocaine-fueled regrettable nights might make for writing that is engaging, being a parent makes for writing that is relatable to the audience, especially when writer and reader connect over wisdom that, frankly, only parenting can glean.