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Neurotic me now ruminating over how much my neuroticism has cost me in cognitive performance for almost four decades.

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Have you taken an IQ test? I did one as part of a "neuropsychological assessment," and I have to say that I am highly skeptical that this type of test measures anything meaningful. It's a bunch of puzzles and absurd tests of memory that, yes, are very difficult to complete if you are anxious. But what does the ability to remember a long string of one-syllable words while being put on the spot really tell us about cognitive ability? Or the ability to complete random puzzles and visual patterns? How does this relate to critical thinking? Probably not at all, in my opinion. I think it probably says little other than how comfortable and skilled you are at games and puzzles.

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Depression shrinks your hippocampus, tied to memory, and makes it harder to focus, but that has nothing to do with the cognitive ability you start out with vs the cognitive ability someone else does. Also, depressed people, frankly, often have a much more accurate sense of reality. Functioning in society requires a bullshit sense that everything is okay and causality when maybe that’s true for you some of the time, but that’s mostly being lucky.

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