I’m glad I found this article and newsletter thanks to Anne Helen Peterson’s recommendation in “A Largesse of Links & Recs.”
I wasn’t aware “fewer than 10 percent of Americans would lie to protect the friend, compared to 30 percent of French and Japanese people, and 70 percent of Venezuelans.” However, it doesn’t surprise me, since American culture creates higher relational mobility.
One of the highest relationally mobile contexts is the life of an American college student. They are often living away from home with abundant opportunities to form new relationships. In this context, people might feel they can find new relationships and not feel overly bound by their old relationships.
In cultures with low relationship mobility, relationships are perceived to exist naturally without negotiation, and the commitments and obligations will continue to guide them. This can mean stronger loyalty, but also full-blown enemy ships with those from your in-group.
Only 26% of American reported that they had enemies (Adams, 2005). In contrast, 71% of Ghanians claimed that they were the target of enemies. Americans who felt they had enemies were more likely than the Ghanians to view those enemies as coming from outside their group. Ghanians were more likely to view their enemies as coming from within their groups.
Several studies also point to Americans have more friends compared to people in different cultures. However, that’s because the definition is different. For example, the majority of Ghanians emphasised a friend as someone who provides practical support, only a minority of Americans emphasised this. In many collectivistic cultures, friendships are not just about sharing good times or deriving positive benefits; they also entail substantial costs when obligations need to be fulfilled.
As you point out, this might be due to how stable a country is; however, levels of collectivism and relational mobility are important considerations.
Research aside, as a third-culture kid who has lived in Chile, Belgium, Canada, Vietnam, and Spain, I understand a lot of these stats and theories on a personal level as well.
In Canada, I have found it very easy to lose friends the second things aren’t “fun and social” anymore. My closest friends are Canadians I grew up with, and I know some of them would lie for me or engage in costly behaviour to protect me. However, many “friends” are only truly there for me when I’m there for them with a beer in my hand.
In Spain, like Canada, people are very open and inviting, but in Spain, I’ve noticed how much quicker they drop business or task-related activities if a friend is in need. It's also easier to show your emotions (even if they're overreactions) without long-term consequences. People are willing to talk things out. Honesty and willingness to discuss seem more important that making sure everything always goes smoothly.
And from what I’ve seen from my parents’ experience, the Dutch are slow to let you in, but once you’re in, you have a loyal friend for life. You can also get away with more blunt discussions that don’t end the friendship.
Anyway, those are some quick thoughts. This article inspired a lot of ideas I want to explore. I’ll write about this more in the future. I’m looking forward to reading more here and exploring these ideas about friendship with the community.
I’m glad I found this article and newsletter thanks to Anne Helen Peterson’s recommendation in “A Largesse of Links & Recs.”
I wasn’t aware “fewer than 10 percent of Americans would lie to protect the friend, compared to 30 percent of French and Japanese people, and 70 percent of Venezuelans.” However, it doesn’t surprise me, since American culture creates higher relational mobility.
One of the highest relationally mobile contexts is the life of an American college student. They are often living away from home with abundant opportunities to form new relationships. In this context, people might feel they can find new relationships and not feel overly bound by their old relationships.
In cultures with low relationship mobility, relationships are perceived to exist naturally without negotiation, and the commitments and obligations will continue to guide them. This can mean stronger loyalty, but also full-blown enemy ships with those from your in-group.
Only 26% of American reported that they had enemies (Adams, 2005). In contrast, 71% of Ghanians claimed that they were the target of enemies. Americans who felt they had enemies were more likely than the Ghanians to view those enemies as coming from outside their group. Ghanians were more likely to view their enemies as coming from within their groups.
Several studies also point to Americans have more friends compared to people in different cultures. However, that’s because the definition is different. For example, the majority of Ghanians emphasised a friend as someone who provides practical support, only a minority of Americans emphasised this. In many collectivistic cultures, friendships are not just about sharing good times or deriving positive benefits; they also entail substantial costs when obligations need to be fulfilled.
As you point out, this might be due to how stable a country is; however, levels of collectivism and relational mobility are important considerations.
Research aside, as a third-culture kid who has lived in Chile, Belgium, Canada, Vietnam, and Spain, I understand a lot of these stats and theories on a personal level as well.
In Canada, I have found it very easy to lose friends the second things aren’t “fun and social” anymore. My closest friends are Canadians I grew up with, and I know some of them would lie for me or engage in costly behaviour to protect me. However, many “friends” are only truly there for me when I’m there for them with a beer in my hand.
In Spain, like Canada, people are very open and inviting, but in Spain, I’ve noticed how much quicker they drop business or task-related activities if a friend is in need. It's also easier to show your emotions (even if they're overreactions) without long-term consequences. People are willing to talk things out. Honesty and willingness to discuss seem more important that making sure everything always goes smoothly.
And from what I’ve seen from my parents’ experience, the Dutch are slow to let you in, but once you’re in, you have a loyal friend for life. You can also get away with more blunt discussions that don’t end the friendship.
Anyway, those are some quick thoughts. This article inspired a lot of ideas I want to explore. I’ll write about this more in the future. I’m looking forward to reading more here and exploring these ideas about friendship with the community.